Fit Friday - 3 Steps to Avoiding the Marriage Black Hole

Today's Fit Friday post is a guest post from the awesome Kelly Shores of Restoration Counseling located right here in beautiful Fortville Indiana! Ashley and I were just talking about this topic this week. Fitness isn't just about our bodies... it's a mind, body and spirit thing. It means balance in all areas of our lives. 

Our mama lives get super busy. She has three littles, and I have two. They keep us on our toes, and we most often end our days exhausted. A common mama story. In the middle of living these busy, and oh so important child rearing years of our lives, sometimes me time and us time suffers a bit. Kelly reminds us that we need to take time for our spouses too and make strong marriages a priority as well. Here's some fun pics to enjoy. Coach Man and I have been married 15 years this year, and Ashley and the Fortville Dad have been married 6 years this year. Cheers to many more to come for both of us! - Jenny

Making Your Marriage a Priority

As a marriage therapist I am seeing a growing trend with my couples that I am beginning to call the "black hole of marriage." What is the black hole of marriage you ask? It is the hole that couples get sucked into when they are in the midst of raising young kids. What seems to happen is these couples have wonderful intentions about raising the family together but work, kids, activities, and just life in general gets in the way. During this busy time in life I am seeing couple after couple putting their relationship on the back burner as they try to manage everything else in their lives.
But what happens to the marriage during this time? The relationship begins to fizzle and all to often by the time couples come to see me (several years into the "black hole") they feel like "two strangers living in the same house." As often as I see this it still makes me sad every time! It makes me sad for two reasons, first, this couple who was so in love and had such great intentions of working together as partners has grown so far apart they are both feeling alone and isolated. The second reason is that this is completely preventable!

Now don't get me wrong, I know that it can be difficult to make your marriage a priority in our busy, faced paced culture. My husband and I have two young kids of our own and often feel pulled in a million directions at once. It's not always easy, but it is doable and it is important!

3 things you can start doing today to make your marriage a priority:

1. When you both get home at the end of the day take the first 5 minutes for the two of you. This is usually a busy time of the day with dinner, homework, etc. But it is so important to come back together as a couple and reconnect for a few minutes. Kiss each other hello and talk about how your day was...then jump back into the chaos.
2. Take 20 minutes a day to talk more in depth and connect on a deeper level. For some couples this can be first thing in the morning over a cup of coffee, after the kids are in bed for the night, or before you go to bed yourselves. The key is to have dedicated, uninterrupted time to talk and connect intimately.
3. Date I really need to say more? Taking time out for regular dates is hugely important for couples. It is a chance for you to reconnect and have fun together without the stresses of everyday life. I encourage couples to do date night once or twice a month (minimum). If you feel like it is too expensive try to find a friend to swap babysitting with and/or plan dates in. The key is to take time to have fun together.
If you find you are struggling in your marriage please give me a call. I would love to help you figure out how to get out of the "black hole."


Meet Kelly Shores and learn more about Restoration Counseling by clicking here. Follow them on Facebook as well. They often blog about helpful topics for mamas and families! So glad to have them here in our community. What a great resource!

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